Still working on those new year resolutions but feel like you are losing your way along the journey?  Making lifestyle changes can be a challenging time and sticking to it can often become difficult because people adopt an "all or nothing" attitude. This type of thinking can often lead to feeling overwhelmed at the task ahead.  And once the mind is overworked, it often tries to find it's way back to the familiar, old routines.  Don't let another year pass by!  Get through the Tunnel and Embrace the Power of Change by breaking it down and create a new lifestyle step by step.

Most of us go great guns in the month of January to reach our new year's goals.  But so often this goal is larger than what the lifestyle is ready to accept.  For example -- saying that you need to work out more doesn't mean your best course of action is to go to the gym four hours a day, 7 days a week.  So new years resolutions should be more about setting mini-resolutions based upon one main idea. 

Trying to tackle a resolution with an all or nothing attitude is often why many feel a "lack of motivation" about this time of the year .  It's not so much a lack of wanting to reach the big goal.  It's more a lack of a plan of accomplishment that holds most people back.  Take this for example going to the gym.  There are so many people in January and February who are pumping it up.  But the people that remain for the rest of the year took measured, calculated and well defined steps in order to make a lifestyle change, not just a change of schedule.  You can't decide to run a marathon on Saturday and hit the pavement on Sunday.  And this is so for any type of "resolution" you are facing.  You have to change your style of your life first before it becomes a lifestyle change. 

We all love that good feeling of reaching a goal so why not reward yourself frequently by setting realistic mini-goals!  The sense of accomplishment is an amazing boost toward setting and reaching the next step.   And in certain cases it can create a new fall back position.  A great example of this is taking your workout routines from zero to 3 - 4x a week, a "smaller" goal,  rather than zero to 5 - 6x a week, a "bigger" goal.   You may be able to accomplish the smaller goal in an easier way so it becomes a part of your life, which means it is a permanent change.  So when you begin to work toward the bigger goal, you already have a firm baseline to fall back on while you begin to reach toward the bigger goal. 

And, finally, when you take a big major resolution and break it down into smaller mini-resolutions, you begin to understand so much more about how you got there in the first place.  Handling the fears of making change step by step is way more comfortable than trying to wrap your mind around something so big that it has to be a resolution in the first place.  This is the last critical piece to making permanent change -- understanding the whys and thoughts behind it all.  "When you choose to change your thoughts, you begin to change your life." 

This is just one of the themes that I talk about in my book, The Zing.  The Tunnel is that part of your journey which holds your challenge.  The urge to go back out is sometimes so great that you lose sight of the successes that you have achieved along the way.  Sometimes all it takes is just knowing that this is how making change should feel and if you stick to it, you will get through even the hardest and darkest parts of the Tunnel and find that one drop of light to grab onto.  And that one drop can keep you on the path of keeping your January 1st promises.  

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Heavenly Peace: A Personal Reflection

So how about celebrating the new year once again by taking those resolutions and breaking them down into realistic, doable and just slightly uncomfortable steps.  Write them down, break it out, and then tackle them one at a time.  Great change comes from great and powerful moments.  Making the fear of change more manageable will help you to embracing the changes you want to make.  And that will keep you on the new year resolutions highway.

My holiday season has begun with another lesson learned along my Grief Journey. It comes with the passing of one of my friends who has done the billing in my Family & Personal Counseling practice. Diana Hogan reminded me of my aunt Rose, who we also lost to cancer.

For the first time in awhile, I was really shaken up going to the funeral home to pay my respects. Not only were powerful memories triggered (of my son, Michael, and my aunt Rose), but it seemed like I was falling back in time to some of the dark days of facing loss.

But this time I had a better idea of what to do. Why? Because my Grief Journey has taught me well. And that, believe it or not, is the good news.

I began talking to my family. I started telling stories of aunt Rose. Shared some warm memories. I wrote a bit in my journal about how I was feeling and visited www.OpenToHope.com for some fresh inspiration. I started thinking about my internet radio show and some of the things that my guests have taught me on my segments about grief and loss. I reached out to Judy, who has become one of the important Light Bulb people in my life, to share how I was feeling. In short, I did not isolate myself like I did 13 years ago when I was in my Grief Journey with Michael. I knew that there were many places and many people I could turn to. I knew that, in time, my mind would begin to shift again and the hope would return. Why? Because my Grief Journey has taught me well.

As I kept reaching out, I also began to see the physical symptoms coming into play. Parts of my body, like my neck and shoulders, were beginning to ache. My jaw started to hurt. And my mindful, healthful eating habits were challenged. All these were actually familiar physical reactions to my mind in unrest. Knowing how your body reacts in important. And in this case, I was able to see that my aches and pains were only temporary. Why? Because my Grief Journey has taught me well.

Everyone has their own Grief Journey because learning how to handle the loss of life is the key to living life. Some moments along the way are dark and filled with despair. Other moments can be filled with wonderful memories that bring hope back into our lives. Grief is not a step by step process that we go through and then move on. It is a constant part of day to day living -- because it teaches us powerful lesson. Live life by the moment because it is the only thing we can truly control. My Grief Journey has taught me well.

God bless my friend, Diana, as she continues to bless our lives. Rest in heavenly peace -- Ron

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Ho.. Ho.. Ho.. Oh no! December Spending. January Lending. How to keep your Holiday Buying in Control

Ho.. Ho… Hold on now!  Being in the spirit of the season is the goal.  Time spent with family and friends; gathering and creating lasting memories; taking a moment to say "thinking of you" during the season of celebration.  We can all agree that that is what the "spirit of the season" is about.

For credit card lenders, the spirit of the season is really January… when all those holiday purchases come back to haunt you.   Nothing like a hefty credit card bill to completely knock the celebration down the drainpipe.

It's time to get a grip on the celebrating and bring it all back to reality.  All you have to do is change the way you think about your holiday activities and gift giving habits.  Here are some tips for you to consider this year to enjoy the celebration more and avoid the January financial blues.

Change the routine.

Imagine a holiday season without gifts!  What would you do?  Make a big dinner.  Plan a group activity.  Watch great holiday movies together.  Wow -- no crowded mall.  No returns.  No disappointments.  No stress of buying it in the first place.  Ok -- it may be a bit of a radical, but if you start taking the time to consider it, you will find the idea will start to grow.  And you will form a new foundation for changing your gift giving habits.

It's about the giving, not the spending.

First off the holidays are absolutely NOT about spending money.  Parents know this lesson because some of their children's most prized gifts are the ones they made in school.  It brings more happy memories and a sense of pride than any gift bought.  You've heard it time and time again -- it's the thought that counts.  Well… isn't it?

Make a list.  Check it twice… and three times… and more.

Ask yourself this question.  If I didn't buy a gift… would it really matter?  Once you do that, then go back through the list and decide who can get a "budget" gift (something less expensive or, better yet, handmade).  And there's nothing wrong with gift cards.  It pre-sets your spending.  This way you can make the most out of your money rather than regret what you spent in January.

Take a financial inventory.

You may have a budget in mind but the only way to stick to it is to pay cash.  Whether you've got $100 or $1000 make sure you spend just that amount by avoiding the temptation to pay for it later.   Got the urge to charge? Be bold and leave every credit card at home.  Try it just one time.  You'll find it is easier than you think. 

Stick to it.

The easiest way to overspend during the holidays is when impulse buying takes over.  Plan the list, plan your budget, then stick to it.  Make a deal with yourself that after you have bought a gift for everyone on the list, you can to go back and buy yourself something for sticking to the list.  Buying only what you planned will keep your mind aware of your money and save yourself the shock of a devastating January bill.

Internet to the rescue.

Know what you want?  eBay, Craig's list, and other discount sites may be able to give you a better deal.  And there's no crowds.  And the store doesn’t close.  Even if you have to pay shipping charges, you will gain back family time and will avoid those impulse buys. 

It's never too early.

Now that you have a better financial handle for this year, pay it forward and plan in January for the next shopping season.  This means taking a look at what you spent this year and start putting money away.  It Set up a separate checking account and make regular deposits.  Even as much as $10 per week will add up nicely.  And this way, you won't feel the financial pressure during the holidays and you will have NO bill in January.  Imagine that as you pull that credit card out this year.

Have Christmas in July!

Consider buying gifts all year long.  Not only will you avoid the January money hit, but you also avoid the crowd and get the size and style you want.  Spend the holidays enjoying time spent rather than spending family time at the mall. 

When you change the way you see the gift giving season, you can change the outcome in January.  All you need to do is consider doing something different this year and you will reward yourself with less holiday and financial stress in the end.

"When you choose to change your thoughts, you begin to change your life." Ron Villano, M.S., LMHC, ASAC is a licensed psychotherapist, certified clinical hypnotherapist, life & bereavement coach, author and national speaker.  He has appeared before sold-out audiences across the country, is the host of two internet radio shows, and is currently featured on the Verizon FiOS1 network.  Please check www.RonVillano.com for event and contact information.

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REAL FACE TIME

"Other things aren't there to create or bring you happiness.  They are simply there to add to your life."  -- The Zing; pg. 70

What ever happened to stick ball?  How about hide-and-seek with your house as home base?  What about playing outside in the neighborhood until the street lights came on?

Think back to your youth -- you played in groups.  You found things to do when you had nothing like a cell phone or gaming device in your hands.  You were in a group of kids, whether you liked all of them or not, and enjoyed your free time by doing things together.  You found a way to make something great  with nothing more

than your imagination.

Now, we still have those groups today.  But they are all linked together by social media.  Our kids find ways to entertain themselves with things that either plug into the wall or runs by battery.  And many of these devices have the great ability to link game players from all over the globe.

Don’t get me wrong.  Being connected is a great way to broaden your life experiences.  But it is not the exclusive way to be out in the world.  There are a great many lessons to learn from playing outside in "the neighborhood" which has gotten lost in today's electronic driven world.

Bored with a house full of things?  Start today by choosing to connect with people without a device.  Want to start reaching out to the younger generation in a new-old way?   Throw a frisbee, play catch, take a walk.  When your kids have a play date, help them choose to interact without some type of gadget in their hands. 

Let's start going back to the REAL social media of yesterday.  Re-discover the real time world, face-to-face -- and leave the texting and posting for another time.    I guarantee you and your family will enjoy it more than you think.

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How Forced Change healed my life.

Have you been forced out of a job? Are you facing a health issue? A victim of a crime? Accident? Have you lost a loved one unexpectedly? Then you know that forced change embraces your life in an instant.

And that is where my message starts. I experienced "forced change" when my 17-year old son, Michael, died in an auto accident. But, years later, I now see that losing Michael wasn't the only reason my life hit rock bottom. I wound up down there because the forced change took hold of me and began to drag me down. Naturally, any forced change is a challenge to face. But I continued to get dragged deeper and deeper because I felt like I had nothing to grab onto. It felt like no one or no thing would ever matter again. I felt truly empty of everything including life itself.

And now I know why. And this is the heart of my message to you.

You have an entire lifetime worth of ideas, beliefs and values. Everyone does; and I certainly had quite a full Garage myself. I knew that many of these thoughts were in desperate need of change; and in some cases, I knew that I needed to change them. But working against these well-intentioned plans to change were equally powerful negative and fearful thoughts. So I was feeling stuck between wanting help and the fear of letting go and heading into the unknown.

So many people spend too much time in this state of mind. Not quite happy, not quite sad. Grouchy at everything and nothing all at the same time. In short, they are just moving along. The danger is that when something unexpected enters the picture, it can drag life right to the bottom before you know it because the life they are leading just can't hold up to the heavy weight of forced change.

This is why I now say that my son, Michael, taught me more about living life than I had ever imagined. I was so completely stripped of everything that the only thing left to do was to start completely over. As I began to recover, I learned how to make new choices. Choices that were based upon what I wanted in my life. I am here today because I used all my energy to rebuild every part of my life.

But as I look back now, I can see that my journey could have been less traumatic if I was living life differently before it all happened. And that is what my message is all about. Going from living life to loving the life you life... before it's too late. You can avoid hitting rock bottom when forced change knocks on the door by choosing to change your thoughts one moment at a time long before tragedy strikes.

What can you do right now to be ready to fight through a life-changing situation? Take just one small issue in your life and take one small step to fix it. Imagine making that overdue phone call. Choose to throw out one cigarette instead of inhaling it. Make your cup of coffee at home and put the money you save in the vacation fund. And when you are done with that one small thing, then do another. Choosing to make a change one moment at a time will add up to great change in a short time.

Forced change often arrives with no warning. And when it does, it will take every bit of your own personal power to get through it. So make time today to bank some of that personal power for when you need it. Where do you get that from? You get it by making the choice to stop wasting energy avoiding the change, and choosing to enjoy the success that comes from accomplishing that which you feared the most.

Ron Villano, M.S., LMHC, ASAC is the leading expert in working through change. As a father who lost his 17-year old son in an auto accident, he always speaks from the heart. As a licensed psychotherapist and life coach, he counsels others on how to work through difficult times. As a national speaker and author of The Zing, Ron has appeared before sold-out audiences across the country and is currently featured on the new Verizon FiOS1 network. His funny, captivating and approachable style creates the powerful, life-changing moments you have been looking for.