“I’m Not Good At That”


I Can Do It“I’m Not Good At That”

How many times have you said this, or have heard someone else say this statement?

It’s really easy to say, and it’s very easy to disqualify something that you may want to do or try because “you’re not good at” it or are scared to try it.

Let’s step back and really look at skills and becoming “good” at something.

Did you ever realize how most things – or I should say everything – in life is a learned behavior – even the simplest tasks?   If you have kids, do you remember teaching them how to do something as “simple” as using a fork to eat or how to use the potty?  Remember learning how to drive?  Remember learning the alphabet?

It’s pretty easy to say you can’t do something because you’re not good at it.   For many things in life, not being “good at” something may be fine.  Maybe it’s not that important to you to implement into your life.  However, sometimes not being “good at” something can hold you back from a position at work or from participating in an activity you could or would enjoy.

There’s nothing more important than taking the first step to learn “how to”.  So, let’s get started and set a plan to become “good at” it.

  • First, with the wonder of Google, get the Google on and learn what you need to do to accomplish whatever the “not good at” is.
  • Then, make a sheet with a list of what you need to do to become “good at” it. Do you need lessons?  Do you need to read things? Do you need a class?
  • Make sure to put the list on PAPER so you can see what you need to do, as well as put a due DATE to accomplish each part of the list so you stay on track and actually do it.

It’s easy to say you’re finally going to do something.  Most times we’ll just never “get to” it, but getting started and using a system like the above will help with the commitment to actually get started.

It also may help with scheduling the learning, tasks, lessons, etc. into your calendar to keep you going and accomplishing your goals.  Accountability is the key here.

And, when you get discouraged or decide there’s no time, remember the commitment behind accomplishing this “thing”. For example, remember the Olympic athletes.  While they make things look “easy”, think of the hours and the sacrifice and the commitment they made to achieve their accomplishments.  Nothing worth having is achieved in one day. Things take time, commitment, and mostly practice, practice, practice.

From personal experience, I know I can achieve anything I set my mind to accomplish.  It’s our own personal decision to make the choice (always the word choice for everything in our day and our lives) to move forward to learn a skill. And, the results are always rewarding.

Everything we do is a learned behavior and a choice… even something we think should be simple, like how to have a nice day.

Like Walt Disney said, “If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It”.

Just imagine the possibilities.

After all, it is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.

Love, Doreen

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Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC is a board certified healthcare executive, a certified professional life coach, the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit corporation inspiring everyone to enjoy life and author of If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.  The concept behind time to Play and the Time to Play Foundation was absolutely created out of LOVE. Please see for more information.

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Achieve Your Most Important Goals


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As has been proven over thousands of years, the best way to live the life you want is by setting goals to achieve, accomplish and attain what you desire. Written goals are also the strongest form of self motivation because once written, you act on the goal and the goal acts on you. Unfortunately most people were never taught goal setting which is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced. It is important to understand there is a major difference between an objective and a goal. Objectives are subjective which Webster defines as existing in the mind. A goal is simply a dream with a deadline and a plan of action. However, your goal must be specific so you can determine when it has or has not been reached. Goals require measurement because anything that cannot be measured cannot be managed. If your objective is to become even more successful, writing specific goals will help to make this happen. However, identifying the goals you want to attain can be challenging. To do this, schedule some time when you will not be disturbed or interrupted. Then ask yourself some questions and begin writing your answers. Writing crystallizes thought which motivates action.

Without action nothing can happen or change.

  • What do I want more of?
  • What do I want less of?
  • What do I want and need to improve?
  • Where do I want to go?
  • What do I want to do?
  • What do I want and/or need to learn?
  • Who would I like to meet?
  • What are my personal and family goals?
  • What are my financial goals? What are my spiritual and ethical goals?
  • What are my mental and educational goals?
  • What are my physical and health goals?
  • What are my professional goals?

As you answer these questions you will be on your way to greater success while achieving your most important goals. That is the beginning of the path to higher achievement but remember that action must follow because when you do nothing .  .  .  . nothing happens.

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Jerry S. Siegel is President of JASB Management Inc., Long Island’s resource for developing people and organizations. A CPA in his first career, Jerry trains and coaches leaders in communication, delegation, goal setting, leadership, management, motivation, personal organization & development, supervision, team building and time management.

Who Says I Can't

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After spending the past few months worrying about how I can’t help where and when I may find a job, how the economy looks, how, even with a Ph.D. I may be out of luck finding a career or how everything seems like its out of my control. I suddenly had a huge surge of motivation and inspiration while reading an article on a different site which was all about ‘Things you learn in your 20s which no one ever told you.’ These lessons had to do with how ‘hard’ life is and how you’ll ‘probably’ never accomplish anything and, while not explicitly stated, that you’ll probably amount to the ‘Average Joe’ marinating in stagnant, complacent misery, forever wondering where the time went.

While reading through, I started thinking about how most people I know are pretty down in the dumps and unable to find jobs, meaning, or pretty much anything else. I’ve been having a lot of conversation with people, especially my mother, about how others attribute their locus of control externally, and just give up.

Now, locus of control means “the extent to which individuals believe that they can control events that affect them” (thanks Wikipedia) and herein lies the problem. Or at least the ones I have been having with my own personal motivation. Your ‘locus of control’ can be attributed usually internally or externally. Those with an ‘internal locus of control’ believe that they personally have at least some, or a lot of control over the things that happen to them. While, those with an external locus of control believe that they personally have no, or extremely little control over the things that happen.

While I was thinking about this, I realized that I have been mostly focusing on the very few negative things I’ve been dealing with and yelling about how I had no control over any of it.  This, I realized, was seriously preventing me from taking strides toward my goals as I had been. I started thinking about how much I have accomplished in the past few years like: making friends, moving to NYC, how much I’ve learned, and how much I’ve improved in so many areas. Then I started thinking about how I was taking steps toward my goals and how the only person who could stop me from chasing after them was, in fact, me.

I realized that not my license, diploma, birth certificate, nor any other document or object I possess says or will ever say: “Gregory can’t achieve his goals or change the world.” I realized that, if I do in fact want to accomplish something, I will need to take steps toward it and put myself in situations where I can achieve. I happen to be lucky in this regard as I live in NYC where there is a community for just about anything.

This is not to say that people in my generation can achieve simply by putting their minds to it. There are a significant number of barriers between us and success. Especially with the economy, oversaturated job market, unreasonable/unrealistic demands and expectations of employers, competition from unpaid interns, need to be an unpaid intern, and about a million other seemingly insurmountable obstacles that stand between 20 somethings and the fabled “non-minimum-wage-job.” Now, more than ever, it seems like the only thing hard work and dedication will get you is a face covered in egg, and while that may be true, we ignore the fact that real success comes from ourselves.

Setting goals and taking steps, though they may be small, is the only thing we can do to truly ensure success in this day and age. Throwing yourself body and soul at a barrier and hoping to topple it will only leave you battered and broken. You’ll eventually hobble, depressed and defeated, into obscurity and a cubicle, forever. Now, there is nothing wrong with a solid steady job even if it lands you in a cubicle, especially if it funds your other passions but the key is, you need to be passionate about the things you do. Instead of tossing yourself at a huge barrier what needs to be done is to, as they say, “hit the books.” Do some research, make a plan and execute it. The world, and the last few generations have erected so many barriers that life may seem like a maze. But, with almost the entirety of the world’s knowledge at our fingertips, we can be more clever than that maze. This is how we can achieve anything we try to. Not that it will be easy or quick… but even a toothbrush can clean an entire floor if you’re willing to put in the time and effort. We need to figure out how to chip away at the obstacles before us, and we may only wind up with a little mousehole, but the more mouseholes we put in the easier it’ll be to eventually push the obstacle over.

Now back to locus of control. When you surrender to the world and attribute your control externally you may feel like armies are against you, people are either lucky or unlucky, and there is no way to change it no matter how talented you are. But what one needs to realize is that though you can’t control every little thing, such as which opportunities present themselves or come to fruition. What you can control are you and the steps you take toward your goals and passions. Even if it is a one in a million shot, you’ll never make it if you don’t try. Think of it this way: even the greatest, most talented people had to start somewhere. Bill Gates wasn’t born knowing how to program, and Shakespeare didn’t come out of the womb with a pen in hand (though some may argue that fact). Just because you haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean you never can.

Do yourself a favor, resolve to remove the term “CAN’T” from your life and see how far it gets you.