Today’s reflection stems from my thoughts regarding this past week’s emotional roller coaster.
With people getting attacked for their views, I believe it really emphasizes the idea behind the science of social and emotional intelligence education.
Personally, I have to admit that this past week was hard for me. Even with all the training I have had in life coaching and emotional intelligence coaching, I unfortunately allowed the whole negative energy to get “in” and affect me in a negative manner. I can’t remember being so exhausted.
That being said, each experience does broaden our own personal awareness in order for us to use the experience to make future changes to enhance our quality of life.
Based on my conversations with many people, very few seem to have awareness about social and emotional intelligence. I find it worthwhile for this article to focus on what it is and what it can do for individuals and corporate organizations going forward.
Social and Emotional Intelligence is a learned behavior which I believe is the root of individual behavior and our quality of life.
Social and Emotional Intelligence has been defined as: The ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage ourselves and manage our relationships.
I believe that having an individual strong Social and Emotional Intelligence is so important.
I also believe there is an appropriate level of behavior that people need to exhibit when reacting to any situation, whether personal or in a workplace. I believe that reactions need to be one of rational expression where we need to consider the whole situation and that we need to consider the ramifications of our own personal behavior. I believe our behavior and reactions positively or negatively impact our lives and our relationships.
For example, think about explosive behavior in a workplace. If you have a boss that does not consider all sides to a situation, but just reacts in an explosive manner, how does that make you feel?
This can be applied to any circumstance or relationship including that between yourself and your spouse, your parent, your child, your coworker, a checkout clerk, or that of a person driving a car next to you.
Our reactions are truly important to consider, which brings me back to why I wrote this article which discusses the potential different perceptions of people regarding rational vs. irrational behavior. I believe we need to become aware of, and have a need for, broad social and emotional intelligence coaching.
In today’s society, I personally do not think we have the filters we used to have for our behaviors. I also believe we have, as a society, have come to accept less controlled reactions from others. It has become commonplace for bullying, riots, road rage and mass shootings, and we seem to have become desensitized and have come to expect these occurrences. Personally, as we are not a barbaric society, I believe that this is step in the wrong direction.
While I do believe self expression is important, I also believe it is necessary to consider the “whole” and that it is the responsibility for each of us to control our reactions to not impede the rights, health, or to negatively impact the lives of others. Ever hear the idiom “it is a two-way street”? It may be necessary to consider that compromise is a necessary consideration in our interactions with others. The problem with this is that we have to recognize how our behaviors and reactions relate to compromise and finding solutions to situations in a manner that is best for all.
I believe a strong social and emotional intelligence is necessary to have a quality of life for not only an individual, but the whole.
The following is an excerpt from the book, Emotional Intelligence written by Daniel Goleman in 1995: “The emotional lessons we learn as children at home and at school shape the emotional circuits, making us more adept – or inept – at the basics of emotional intelligence. This means that childhood and adolescence are critical windows of opportunity for setting down the essential emotional habits that govern our lives”. He noted that hazards await those who, in growing to maturity, fail to master the emotional realm. He further noted that deficiencies in emotional intelligence heighten a spectrum of risks from depression or a life of violence to eating disorders and drug abuse, and how teaching children the emotional and social skills they need can keep their lives on track. Mr. Goleman reported that a survey of parents and teachers showed a worldwide trend for the present generation of children to be more troubled emotionally than the last: more lonely and depressed, more angry and unruly, more nervous and prone to worry, more impulsive and aggressive.
Again, acknowledging that social and emotional intelligence is learned behavior, I advocate for the need for us to learn these necessary skills. Emotional Intelligence is an important component of the Foundation’s PREinvent YOUR Life® program.
During my Social and Emotional Intelligence coaching education, I learned there were 26 competencies that affect our reactions and behaviors that include: Emotional self-awareness, accurate self-awareness, personal power, behavioral self-control, integrity, innovation and creativity, initiative and bias for action, achievement drive, realistic optimism, resilience, stress management, personal agility, intentionality, empathy, situational awareness, service orientation, communication, interpersonal effectiveness, powerful influencing skills, conflict management, inspirational leadership, catalyzing change, building bonds, teamwork and collaboration, coaching and mentoring others and building trust.
I believe that you can build on your emotional intelligence strengths and that, if you have vulnerability in any particular area, it will negatively impact your quality of life and the quality of life of those with whom you interact.
Please feel free to contact me at 631-331-2675 if you have questions regarding social and emotional intelligence. I would be most willing to discuss your personal situation.
With the knowledge that we are only able to control ourselves, our behavior, our feelings and our actions, I believe it is necessary to start with ourselves to insure a better future. I believe it is time for us to each be personally responsible for our ability to achieve quality of life.
Just imagine the possibilities.
After all, it is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.
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Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC:
Doreen holds a Bachelor of Science in Management, a Masters in Business and Policy Studies, is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, a Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach, Certified Professional Coach, Certified Life Coach, and the author of the book, If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.
Doreen is the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit organization with the mission and purpose to enrich the lives of others through programs, public awareness outreach activities, events and learning opportunities that further the concept of enjoying life. The Foundation’s website, www.TimetoPlayFoundation.org, has resources, events and articles for a person to learn what they need to know for a better life.
The Foundation offers an unconventional approach in a non-threatening manner to provide solutions for the life situations that people may encounter. Working in healthcare since 1987, and with her background in quality improvement, she has followed statistics showing our society’s current evolution to be more “sick and sad”. She developed the Time to Play Philosophy: you have to be happy, healthy, have money and a work / life balance for quality of life and believes everyone has the ability to enjoy life.