As an Ob/Gyn I deal with many couples who have sexual dysfunction and infertility issues. Both are difficult problems, but I work with those involved to relieve the stress that these issues cause. I have seen some of the strongest, most loving couples come apart just dealing primarily with infertility issues. The infertility issue is becoming the predominant problem I’m facing. I know that infertility can cause stress, depression, intimacy issues and sexual problems for the couple. The following are questions e-mailed to me about this issue.
Dear Dr. Jen:
My husband and I have been married for five years. We started trying to have a baby about a year and a half ago, and it has not worked out. We are now seeing my Ob/GYN as well as an infertility specialist about this. My husband seems to be blaming himself. Our sex life now is purely for trying to get pregnant. What can we do so that this doesn’t cause irreversible damage to our relationship? T. In Paoli
I understand how this situation has caused a lot of stress in the relationship. It is no one's fault. This is important to understand so that you can tackle this problem together as a team. You need to be committed to helping each other through this worrisome time. I want you to continue doing the things that you both love doing. My advice would be to make your love life just that, a life based on the love you share together. The reason you are pursuing pregnancy in the first place is because you are focused on bringing a new life into both of your lives because of your love for each other.
Dear Dr. Jen
I have a problem. My wife and I have been married for ten years and for the last two years our sex life has been all about having a baby. We both want a child badly but I feel that the only purpose in my life right now with her is to get her pregnant. It is driving me crazy. I know how important it is to her but I want her the way she was before. What can I do? W. In Malvern
You need to bring the romance back into the relationship. This is going to be your job now. Your wife loves you and is trying to build the family you both want together. The best thing for you to do here is to take her mind off "just trying to have a baby" by removing both of you from the situation for a while. This could include a weekend away where you can focus on the two of you as a couple. Letting her know that you are there for her no matter what happens is very important to her at this time. You need to talk to her and express what you are going through and how you are feeling. She may not know that this has been a problem for you. Sometimes men are led to believe they have to be strong and not emotional. Shared feelings promote intimacy. I know that the best outcome will be achieved with communication.
Dear Dr. Jen
My parents are bugging me to have a baby. My husband and I have been married about a year and we are only 22 and 24. What can I do so that my parents just give us a break? J. in Devon
Your parents must believe that you would be fine parents if they want you to have a baby so quickly. Or perhaps, they are in a hurry to be grandparents. Whatever their motives, they are pushing the subject a little too much so talk with them about how you feel. They might not even know that the subject upsets you so much. They need to give you time. You are both young and in a new marriage. When you feel the time is right, it will be your decision to have children. Help your parents to realize that they are putting too much pressure on you right now.
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Dr. Jennifer Gilbert was born and raised in South Jersey and moved to The Main Line with her husband in 2006. Dr. Gilbert graduated from the University of Delaware with a degree in Biology in 1996 and attended University of Medicine and Dentistry of NJ, from which she graduated in 2001. She continued on to complete her residency with UMDNJ in 2006 during which she rotated through The Kennedy Health System, Our Lady of Lourdes and Cooper University Hospital. Dr. Gilbert joined the Paoli family in 2008 after working at an area hospital for 3 years. She is board certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology and enjoys the entire range of what the practice has to offer.
Not long after joining the practice, Dr. Gilbert learned that she was expecting twins. She welcomed her two children with love on July 15, 2009. Dr. Gilbert explains "Being pregnant and delivering twins has given me a new perspective on being an ob-gyn physician. I feel so blessed to have had one of my colleagues deliver our twins. Having my babies at Paoli showed me first-hand what an amazing group of people I work with. Being a new mom, I now truly understand what a special experience having a baby is. Being a doctor, I hope to bring that same experience to each family in our practice." When not busy with work or family, Dr. Gilbert enjoys traveling, running and reading a good book.
Contact: http://www.paoliobgyn.com/Home.asp Phone: (610) 889-9550
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