This terrible disease called menopause we're told, attacks and victimizes 40- and 50- something women. Popular culture, fueled by media hype, characterizes these women as powerless, whacked out crazies, when just the opposite is true. There's victory in the fact that symptoms of menopause are manageable. Children by their nature are not. Whether traditional medicine, homeopathic medicine and/or other alternative methods, they successfully reduce this terrible "disease" to the tamed lion it can truly be.
How do I know? Because I had perhaps the worst case of hot flashes imaginable. The kind that forced me to wear a jacket in the heat of summer to avoid embarrassing sweaty armpits' change bed sheets nearly every night - in the middle of the night. My irritability and disagreeable demeanor caused my family to flee our home for safer ground. That's how! Until advised otherwise, I too, was a victim of inaccurate, incomplete information just like so many other women. So much for symptoms.
The larger and more devastating aspect of this experience is the emotional toll this first marker of aging takes. Your mental dis-ease is far more challenging if you take the "over-the-hill" status society assigns you seriously. NOT SO! Your' among the most influential people in the U.S., all 73,000,000 of you! From children to elderly parents and all else in between, you're the power on the throne. The demands you meet create power surges that manage family, tradition, multi-tasking AND the world of work. No place for sissies!
As more and more women become mothers at 30-plus, managing menopause and children is more common than most folks think. Take heart. It's not as bad as it seems. After all, mothers and their 'tweens and teens fight a common enemy: raging hormones and fear of the unknown.
Rights of passage are often hard won!
WHO'S RAISING OUR KIDS?
When my maternity leave ended and it was time to return to work, the thought of leaving my baby with anyone but his grandmother was unthinkable. She was the best mother I knew and I could happily return to my career and the world of competition and success.
My son benefited in so many ways: her experienced, loving arms held him, her soft song soothed him, her wrinkled hands fed and soothed him and her unspoken promise to me
to be there when I couldn’t be, drew me closer to her for all my life.
My mother only lived to see her grandson turn 15 months old before her death. My Aunt Pauline filled that gaping hole of hurt and need in my life and saw my son to age 11. By that time, I was teaching community college and his schedule and mine became hand in glove again. But what would it have been like without Grandma and Aunt Pauline?
The answer isn’t as obvious as it seems. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, 6.3% of children in the U.S. live in a household headed by a grandparent (4.6 million children) and 2.7% live in a household headed by other relatives (nearly 2 million children). Recognizing the increasing burden on grandparents and other kinship caregivers, the National Committee of Grandparents for Children’s Rights, a network of grandparents, community workers and professionals are working together to provide education and support, advocacy and leadership for children, grandparents and kinship families.
At the National Kinship Summit last year, participants believe the following principles guide the activities and outcomes of their efforts:
Fundamental to our family traditions, when parents cannot parent, family
takes care of family;”
Kinship care should be embraced by policy makers, public and private
institutions, and by faith-based organizations;
Grandparents and other kinship caregivers can end the cycle of family dysfunction because older caregivers possess the maturity, fortitude and willingness to help children to succeed;
Children from broken homes do not have to lead broken lives; and
The full utilization of grandparents and kinship caregivers as resources to
help children to have access to healthy, safe and nurturing homes with relatives when parents are unable or unwilling to parent, because for children, their kinship families are real families.
Its mission is to enhance the use, resources and skills of all kinship families by bringing together stakeholders, policy makers, child welfare, other human services experts and family members to create one powerful voice for kinship care.
For all the good these grandparents and other kinship care families provide, one thing is clear: increasing kinship family access to support services and benefits isn’t happening fast enough and frequently enough. Too much family based, kinship care remains outside the foster care system and the funds needed to benefit these children remain unavailable. Caring for grandchildren continues to be an uphill struggle. Engagement of kinship families by child welfare agencies and establishing services tailored to the needs of kinship families inside and across systems is sorely needed.
Recommendations offered by the National Kinship Summit focus upon attacking the problems and offering solutions to financial assistance and supplemental nutrition.
For example, one idea might be to amend Social Security to allow more children being raised by grandparents or other relatives to quality as dependents on their relative giver’s benefits by eliminating the eligibility prerequisite requiring children to be in the care of a grandparent or relative caregiver one year before the month they begin receiving retirement, disability or survivor benefits. An additional example is to make food stamps more available to children being raised by relatives. Likewise, ensure children in kinship families are eligible for the National School Lunch Program by identifying them to responsible school officials. Eligibility would also include the Special Milk Program for Children and the School Breakfast Program administered by the USDA Food and Nutrition Service.
Think about it. Think about it for all our children and help all our children and our children’s children to be well cared for.
With special thanks to Gerard Wallace
Executive Director,
Grandparents for Children’s Rights
Carol Fazio
Group Leader/Mediator
631.509.1905
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Life In The Middle Lane -- Taking the Crisis Out of Mid Life
At one time turning forty meant an automatic mid life crisis. Suddenly, once confident thirty-nine year-old men were desperately seeking anything to make them feel youthful again. Some, not all dumped their spouses, got a sports car and proceeded to do every mid life crisis cliché from hair plugs to tanning to dating women south of forty. In fact women south of thirty were particularly ideal.
Don’t think for a moment that I’m letting women off the hook. Granted, being perimenopausal or menopausal is enough to make any woman nuts, it’s not a get out of jail free card. We may or may not have dumped our spouses for younger models (though in terms of May/December romances it seems we’re playing catch up. I prefer to call it May/Indian summer romances after all we do hit our sexual peek in our forties into our fifties. I’m just saying).
However, many women north of forty have become addicted to the fountain of youth. Botox, fillers, breast and/or butt implants and liposuction are so common now, it’s hard to remember that with the exception of reconstructive surgeries (after mastectomies or accidents) plastic surgery is elective. It’s wonderful to have so many aesthetic options but looking good can only go so far. Looking youthful combined with a youthful spirit and the wisdom gained over time makes us mid lifers a triple threat. In the words of George Bernard Shaw "What a pity that youth must be wasted on the young." How many times have you said if I knew then what I know now, how different life would be. With that in mind, I am reminded of the Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda episode of Sex and the City. We can’t cry over spilled milk once it’s on the floor all we can do is clean it up, move on and try not to spill anymore milk.
For now, I’ll go back to the aesthetic since the outside is the first thing people see. Think about it. Some of the hottest people in Hollywood are north of forty. Women are still drooling over George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Wil Smith, Robert Downey Jr. (I didn’t expect to put his name there either, but did you see his shirtless clip for Sherlock Holmes?) and Denzel Washington. Ladies like Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, and Pamela Anderson. Demi Moore haven’t dropped the ball either.
Again they have the time and money to invest in looking good. Most have a staff of people from personal trainers to chefs to plastic surgeons who make sure they don’t have to bring sexy back, it never left.
Here in the real world the majority of us are concentrating on making ends meet and looking for a hole in our schedule when we can get a workout in or just have a little time to ourselves. Nevertheless, we have choices in the middle lane and a lot to look forward to. Perhaps it’s a career change or the pursuit of a long held passion. Whether you’re empty nesters, still watching Nick Jr. or trying to keep up with the ever changing moods of tweens and teenagers, embrace mid life as a time for positive change. I would say that if you’re thinking about a career change, pursuing a long held passion or toying with the idea of being the next great reality star (if you’ve seen reality television, think twice about that one) it’s up to you.. You can cruise, switch it into overdrive or slow it down. Whatever the choice, you’re still in control.
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WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD
Thanks to the Baby Boomer generation aging isn’t what it used to be.
You’re more likely to find today’s grandmothers riding the rapids or taking a spin class. Betty White isn’t on the porch knitting; she’s starring in television’s number one comedy Hot In Cleveland. How hot is that, Paris Hilton? Now some of today’s hottest stars (Cher, Clint Eastwood, Halle Berry, Helen Mirren, Susan Sarandon, Ruby Dee, Angela Bassett, Morgan Freeman, Elton John, Jane Fonda, Tina Turner, Bette Midler, Sigourney Weaver, Lauren Hutton and Vanessa Williams) are over 40, landing lead roles and gracing the covers of magazines.
If fifty is the new thirty and forty is the new twenty, aging certainly isn't what is used to be.
It is my goal to approach the age gap by erasing it.So, how do I do this? I started a radio show called Who You Calling Old to give examples to my listners on how to erasing that age gap.
Who You Calling Old explores aging in a new exciting way showing that the best is yet to come.I look for resources for us "Boomers" -- authors, entrepreneurs, actors, motivational speakers, nutrition experts, life coaches, style coaches, chefs, fitness experts, relationship experts and more.
Why? To show you don't just have to retire and just sit there. To show how you can retune your life and stay in the driver’s seat to find your road to happiness and fulfillment. That's how the radio show works. Motivation by example. Listen to others and improve your life. Achieve happiness.
Whether you listen to motivational and educational radio, go to seminars or read, never stop learning or listening. Implement tips, implement ideas. Create your own way to happiness.
After all, I'm not “…going gently into that good night”, and you shouldn't either!
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Cecile Forté, Ph.D., is an educator, author, and national motivational who has stayed in the driver’s seat. This retired educator is busy writing books, articles, fulfilling requests to keynote women’s groups and conferences and hosting one of Blog Talk Radio’s top lifestyle shows. Dr. Forté is the author of "Best is Yet to Come"
Chamein Canton is the owner of Creative Elegance Catering and Wedding Consulting and the author of numerous humorous short stories and is the author of Not His Type, Ms. Doesn't Stand for Multiple Sclerosis, and You're Getting Married. She currently writes two regular on-line columns for Elegant Plus Models and Venus Divas. Chamein is the mother of two talented sons. She successfully lives with multiple sclerosis and has overcome cancer. Her disabilities have not diminished her enthusiasm for running her own business, and she often writes about her experiences. Chamein holds a B.A. in business. Her many achievements earned her the 2002 MS Mother of the Year award from the Long Island chapter of the MS Society. "As a longtime big girl," Chamein tells us, "I am well acquainted with the challenges plus size women face in fashion. And as someone living with disabilities since 1996, I've learned how to navigate my way through a world that's not always disability friendly. But I stay positive and keep my head up for my family, my friends, and myself. Remember there's only one thing that beats a failure and that's a try."
Who You Calling Old:
Where: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/who-you-calling-old
When: Mondays @ 10:30 Eastern Time
Call in: 646-652-4073 |
