Time to Enjoy Life — 7 Years and Counting!

,

WOW!!!!!   I can’t believe this photo was taken 7 YEARS AGO!!!

The concept for “Time to Play” started in 2010, and this photo was taken to show the importance of making a life balance from working so hard (note the business suit) and the need to make time to enjoy life and to remember to take time to play (aka ride like the wind).

Time sure does fly – 7 years – it seems like yesterday (or forever, depending on the day LOL!).

But, I keep on keeping on… against all odds… reading, researching and gathering valuable information, people and resources and making small strides forward to build the Time to Play Foundation.

WHY?

Because I believe everyone has the opportunity to enjoy life.

I believe that all that is missing is their awareness to KNOW THEY CAN.

My vision for the Time to Play Foundation is to provide a reminder and reinforcement and a message that we can love our life. To provide a VISIBLE, proactive and non-threatening approach for people to learn what they need to know to be happy, healthy, have money and a work life balance and to enjoy life.   It’s a different approach to our usual reactive counseling, recovery and reinvention.

And, that’s the ultimate goal, right?

To enjoy our life?

Because, even though people say they can’t, and that they have to struggle and have negative life experiences which “make them stronger”, I believe we can enjoy life by learning to be aware of our choices, which in turn will create a better life for ourselves and our communities.

And, further, I believe we can teach our youth to better deal with everyday life situations so they can proactively create the best life they can for themselves.

History will repeat itself if we let it.  I think it’s certainly time for us to stop letting it.

I believe that AWARENESS is the key.

I believe it is just that simple, although people will surely argue with me.

I believe that awareness is the first step to stop feeling helpless and hopeless.  That our awareness is the first step to finding the possible and the possibilities to make a shift in our lives and stop living our stories, or our experiences that do not serve us, to achieve the goal of life enjoyment.

I believe that it is time for us to stop making excuses and to start taking action.

SO…. TODAY:

Make a STOP sign.

Make a lot of STOP signs.

Put them everywhere.  Every time you feel a negative thought or feeling coming, look at it.

Then, STOP.

Take a moment to reflect on what is the root cause of what is causing that negative feeling or situation, and then think of what you can do to STOP the momentum and shift and / or make a small change to move towards a better feeling and a preferred life experience.  Take a moment to STOP and evaluate your options and make it happen.

And, for those things you cannot change… and there are many things in our life situations that we cannot change, maybe today is the day for you to let them go.

Maybe, today, it is finally time to create a peace with whatever is stealing your ability to love your life.

Maybe, today, it is time to stop reliving the stories, because all they are at this point is just that… stories.

I’m not perfect at this.

I need constant reminders to STOP, as well.  I am thankful for my husband Jim every day.  He is a constant reminder to me to STOP.  He is my accountability partner.  Think of someone who you can ask to be an accountability partner to keep you on track.  I am grateful that he is there with me to make sure I shift, because those things we cannot change can surely create havoc in our lives if we let them, and, for sure, negative feelings don’t serve us.

Remember — I believe we just have to be aware we can shift.

SO….

Make today the day you start to make that dream happen.

Make today the day you start to move forward.

I believe that each and every one of us is incredibly powerful and can truly move mountains.

Today it’s time to feel our power.

Why?

Life is short, and I believe we are put on this earth to enjoy our life.  I believe that every moment of every day we should be enjoying life.  I believe every moment of every day you should feel like you are playing.  If it does not, with your new awareness, STOP, take a moment and evaluate your situation.  Identify things you can change and start to look at the options available to shift something.  Make one small change.  Look at the possible.

I believe it’s really that easy.

I believe there is a solution to every problem, and, I believe that the only reason a problem is a problem in the first place is because we label it to be so.

So, maybe today, it’s time to stop making excuses.  Maybe today it is time to make that change — maybe today is your “someday”.

I believe it is time to enjoy our life.  It is time to play.

P.S. — I believe everyone has something to offer that can help someone else.  The Foundation was formed on the concepts of people helping people and collaboration = success.  Please call me to join the movement at 631-331-2675, and please check out our website at www.timetoplayfoundation.org.

Looking forward to hearing your suggestions and comments.

P.S.S. — I have found a key in our super cool PREinvent YOUR Life(r) program and Social and Emotional Intelligence.  If you want to change your learned behavior NOW, not after 20 years of counseling, call me at 631-331-2675.

Love, Doreen

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC:  Doreen is the author of the book, If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life (www.ifIknewthenbook.com).  She has earned a Bachelor of Science in Management, a Masters in Business and Policy Studies, is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, a Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach, Certified Professional Coach, and Certified Life Coach.

She has worked in healthcare since 1987 with many of those years in quality improvement, and has watched the indisputable increase of the “sick and sad” in our society. Believing there is a better way, she founded the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit organization with the mission and purpose to enrich the lives of people and communities through programs, public awareness outreach activities, events and learning opportunities that further the concept of enjoying life.

The Foundation’s website, www.TimetoPlayFoundation.org, has resources, events and articles for a person to learn what they need to know to create a better life.

 

 

12 Habits of People Who Create Their Own Happiness

I love my life

Carpe Diem means seize the day in Latin. Today is unique and you may never get another one. Enjoy it while it lasts. Happiness has to be seized as well. Happiness doesn’t happen to you, it happens because of you. Other people can’t make you happy. You have to find and seize your own happiness. You have to seize it every day of your life.

Here are 12 steps to seizing your happiness everyday:

1. Choose To Be Happy

Happiness is a choice. It doesn’t happen by accident. You decide every day whether you are going to be happy. Nothing outside of yourself can change that unless you choose for it to. Be positive about yourself and your life. Don’t let issues or problems alter your happiness for that day. Treat everyday as a gift that you may not get tomorrow and make the most of it. Make everyday the best day of your life. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

2. Stop Worrying

If you have the resources to fix something, then fix it, otherwise stop worrying about it. Worrying never solved anything. All it does is inhibit your happiness. So do what you can when you can for who you can and let the rest take care of itself. Mark Twain said it best, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

3. Change Negative Thinking

We are our own worst critics sometimes. When our inner critic raises his head, push it back down and tell it to shut up and sit down. Beating yourself up does not solve the issues or complexities in your life, nor do they contribute to the solution. If anything, those negative thoughts hold you back and keep you from your happiness.

4. Forgive and Forget

Holding onto a grudge does nothing to fix a bad situation and only reminds you of the hurt. Holding onto a grudge just hurts you over and over again without actually changing the person who hurt you. Let it go and move on with your life. Stop dwelling on those old hurts and let them heal with time. Forgiveness is a sweet gift of freedom for yourself, and not necessarily for the other person.

5. Be Grateful

No matter how little you have or how much you think your life sucks right now, there are always things to be grateful for. Find those things and embrace them like your life depended on it. Recognizing things in your life that are good, beneficial or that make you happy and accepting them will raise your happiness level. When you are grateful, you do not dwell on that which you lack but on that which you have in abundance.

6. Money Can’t Buy Happiness

Money can buy you pleasures but not happiness. Pleasure is temporary and does not fill that hole inside. No amount of money can replace true happiness and contentment. Chasing money is an endless race with no finish line. Focus less on what you can’t have and more on what you do have.

7. Build Friendships

Friendships are the bedrock of real happiness. They will lift you up when you can’t get up yourself. Together you all can achieve what none of you can achieve alone. Build on existing friendships and cultivate new ones. Find friends you can talk to and do things with. A single stick can be broken but a bundle of them cannot. Find strength and resilience together and you can never be broken.

8. Take Part in Meaningful Activities

Stop being a couch zombie and go do something worthwhile with your time. If it was your last day on Earth, would you really want to catch up on a television show? Go do something new, go find your own adventure. Go venture into nature and enjoy the beauty of this life.

9. Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

Social media only shows you the highly cherry-picked aspects of someone’s life. You never really get to see the nitty gritty of the daily grind. Stop comparing yourself to other people’s highlight reel. Go out there and make a highlight reel of your own. Go do things that make you feel happy not what you think other people will think is awesome.

10. Be Kind To Others

Be kind to others and they will be kind to you. Bring happiness to someone who needs it and you will find yourself sharing in their happiness. Happiness is contagious and you could be a carrier if you really wanted to be. So go spread some love. There is a rewarding feeling of gratitude when you do things for someone who doesn’t expect them.

11. Enjoy Life’s Simple Pleasures

Find enjoyment in the simple things – a great sandwich, a beautiful sunset, a rainy day or a cold beer on a hot day. Take nothing for granted. Hot showers, a warm bed and a roof over your head are indescribable pleasures after you have been deprived of them for a while. Memories cannot be stolen; you will always have them with you, so go make some good memories to carry you through the rough times.

12. Create and Achieve Goals for Yourself

Set small achievable goals for yourself. Give yourself something to strive for, to get out of bed for or to simply make a boring chore a challenge. Achieving goals and accomplishing things make you happy. You have not wasted a day; you have achieved something that was undone before you did it. You made something happen. Every day, find something that makes you happy and make it happen.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

It’s Time for a Solution

, , ,

For close to the past 2 years, I have been trying so hard to get people to listen…. to shift their thinking from the focus on “the problems” to that of the positive and the possibilities. For the past two years I have felt frustration and experienced having doors “slammed” in my face or people telling me I “can’t” make things change or how people wouldn’t participate if they “didn’t have a problem”.

BUT, I’ve persisted because I believe in the power of the idea of the Enjoy Life Community® model and the focus on life enjoyment for our communities and for our people.

Why?

Because I know that EVERY day someone in our community wakes up in despair or experiencing feelings of loneliness or hopelessness or helplessness. I know that EVERY day, in our Country, on average, there are 121 suicides. I know that EVERY day, people wake up with depression. I know that EVERY day, in our Country, 120 people die from overdoses with, I believe, the blame for using drugs being inappropriately directed to drug dealers or physician prescribers.

What we are doing is evidently not working. In 2009 23.5 million (of 306.8 million) persons aged 12 or older needed treatment for an illicit drug or alcohol abuse problem . Through discussions with our elected officials and research, it is shown that alcohol or drug rehabilitation may only be effective 10 – 30% of the time.

We have the power to shift and to create an environment to: Decrease social isolation, share the good works being performed in our communities, encourage participation in our community endeavors, and to shift our current focus and redirect our energies from problems to solutions and the goal to enjoy life.

This is the mission and vision of the Time to Play Foundation – The Foundation offers a positive reminder and reinforcement that every day should feel like “play” and provides resources in a PROACTIVE manner to decrease the development of, or utilization of, self-destructive behaviors; and, to, instead, shift the focus to enjoy life and to spark a progressive and proactive momentum in our communities to do so.

Got Crime in your community? Sure. Got drug issues in your community? Sure. BUT…. How about if we shift our efforts to concentrate on a SOLUTION vs. trying to control a negative situation or outcome. The war on drugs has been waging since Richard Nixon declared drugs as public enemy number one in the United States. Since it was coined as such, more than $1 Trillion has been spent in this “war”.

Guess what – it “ain’t” working, no matter how many billions have been spent. Here’s a thought… what if we shift to focus on getting people to love life – to feel wanted and part of their community? Demand drives supply. I believe that, if people loved their life, they would never use drugs or other self-destructive behaviors in the first place.

Ask yourself: Do you love your life? With the visible and proactive solution provided by the Enjoy Life Community® program of the Time to Play Foundation, you will.

It’s time to encourage participation and provide greater opportunities to our students and our people through partnerships and community collaboration. It’s time to strengthen our businesses. It’s time to change the discussion of feeling sad or lonely or depressed from embarrassing and taboo. It’s time to stop the silent suffering.

It’s time to bridge the communication barriers in our communities in order to showcase opportunities available. It’s time to work together to create solutions so our people can be happy, healthy, have money and a work life balance.

It’s time to Enjoy Life. It’s Time to Play.

___________________

1- https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics
2 -published studies report that about 25% of all U.S. adults have a mental illness and that nearly 50% of U.S. adults will develop at least one mental illness during their lifetime costing $300 billion https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealthsurveillance/fact_sheet.html
3 – https://www.overdoseday.com/resources/facts-stats
4 – https://www.drugabuse.gov/publicatio…/…/treatment-statistics
5 – http://jeremyfrankphd.com/drug-and-alcohol-recovery-outcome…
6 – https://web.stanford.edu/…/poverty_preju…/paradox/htele.html
7 – http://www.mintpressnews.com/war-on-drugs/211217

The Time to Play Foundation, Inc. is a not for profit 501c3 corporation with the mission and purpose to enrich the lives of others through programs, public awareness outreach activities, events and learning opportunities that further the concept of enjoying life. – See more at:www.TimetoPlayFoundation.org

What do our people need?  A Sense of Community and Belonging

, , , ,

communityA few days ago I was privileged to attend a conference that focused on our veterans, the issues they faced after discharge from service, their expectations, their feelings of social isolation, and how, together, we could provide resources and opportunities to improve their quality of life.

I came to a conclusion after just the first speaker at the event:  The discussion presented described not only to the experience faced by our veterans, but could be applied to every member of our society, no matter what state or city they live.

As you read on, I am confident that you will agree that the Enjoy Life Community® program developed by the Time to Play Foundation provides a valid solution to address many of the issues being faced today, not only by our veterans, but by a majority of our youth and our people.

Perhaps it is time for the people within our communities to stop just “existing” and “surviving” and to start “living”.

The first speaker at the event was a Vietnam Veteran and a chaplain.  For the purposes of this article, we will call him Mr. O.

He presented how a soldier is trained and embraced into duty and described what becomes missing in their lives upon return to civilian life after discharge.

#1:  A sense of purpose:  Mr. O explained that, when a soldier is in active service, they have a “job”.  He explained how the soldier is important in that job, how the members of service “liked” them in that job, and how the armed forces wanted the soldier to succeed in that job.

#2:  A sense of community / belonging:  Mr. O discussed the soldier’s sense of community and belonging while on active duty and how the soldier knew who they were and where they stood with the others in their command (community).

#3:  A sense of Intimacy:  Mr. O described the sense of intimacy felt by the soldier in their command.  He explained how soldiers not only knew the members of their command (community), but how they stood by each other and supported each other.

Mr. O noted that, after the soldier left active service, they no longer felt this sense of community, of belonging, of purpose, or of importance; that, upon discharge from service, they no longer felt the sense of intimacy or sense of value.

Mr. O noted that there is no system to integrate the soldier back into their home community, and that, without their military unit’s support, they cannot “get home”.

Mr. O said that this is when the dilemma of “where do you belong when you no longer belong” sets in, which is when, he noted, that many soldiers turn to drugs or alcohol to find a sense of comfort.  He described his experience talking to incarcerated veterans who feel more comfortable in jail because they are around people who understand them.

Mr. O said that the feeling experienced by veterans becomes most disturbing when no one understands them, when no one understands who they are, and when they no longer have a voice.  He described how these become the feelings that breed the feelings of hopelessness.  He described how the soldier feels lost without the sense of values given to them and lost because what they believe is not what others believe.

It is, at that time, when the soldier feels very lonely and isolated.

After hearing Mr. O speak, it becomes evident how every person would benefit from being embraced by the community in which they live in the manner the armed forces embraces their soldiers.

Further, Mr. O noted that, years ago in our civilian communities, there were clubs and organizations and a sense of belonging in a community; that people socialized together.  Now, he noted, people are increasingly socially isolated and not embracing of others.

As I imply that there are similarities in the feelings experienced by people who are not veterans, I am in no way minimizing the experience of those who have served.  Thankfully, the general population has not seen the circumstances of war that many of our returning veterans have experienced, and I do acknowledge that our veterans may need support services and programs to face the resulting trauma.

But, think about it. . .

What community member is really integrated into our communities throughout their lives starting with our youth? What programs are available that help the general population feel “at home” or help them develop a sense of belonging or a sense of support?  A sense of not being alone even if facing a negative life situation?

How many articles or events do we need to read about where those who feel “different”, not supported, socially isolated or bullied adopt negative coping techniques including the utilization of drugs or alcohol or cause harm to themselves or others in their communities through violent acts?

I believe the need for self worth and the effects of social isolation are the same for every one of us.

I believe that, no matter where we live, WE ALL NEED a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose, a sense of importance, a sense of intimacy and a sense of being of value.

We all need a sense of community.  We all need to belong.

The Enjoy Life Community® model presents a solution to all who live in any community.  It will not only help our veterans re-integrate and feel welcome and at home, but the intention of an Enjoy Life Community® is to:  Bring together all organizations and individuals in a community, encourage proactive community collaboration, utilize the community organizations to trickle information throughout a community, showcase the good work of community organizations to encourage participation by community members, identify areas where community participation is available to increase community involvement with the intention to decrease social isolation, and to utilize the strength and experience of community members in a community.

The Enjoy Life Community® model is a low cost social intervention that is a visible, non-threatening approach to create quality of life for those in a community.

The Enjoy Life Community® model provides a positive reminder and reinforcement to enjoy life by offering visible cues, establishing pride in a community, and encourages a focus on the positive and the possibilities.

It is a SOLUTION.

It is also important for me to mention here the fact many people do not proactively seek assistance when they are experiencing a negative life situation.  The Enjoy Life Community®, due to its visibility of resources in the community, also offers an opportunity for a more proactive approach to solve this issue.  Additionally, I believe the current system that provides individual counseling may perpetuate (continue) the individual’s experience and current belief system.  Even with outreach or counseling or support programs, the individual may remain isolated and continue to feel “unwelcomed” or segregated from their communities.  That would potentially change in an Enjoy Life Community®.

The Enjoy Life Community® utilizes the resources and people in a community to make it stronger to enhance the quality of life for all.

The Enjoy Life Community® model can be applied to any community, including a school community, college campus or corporate environment to create the feeling that people are important and belong.

If you are interested in learning more about this easy to implement solution, please contact us at 631-331-2675 or email: doreen@timetoplay.com.

Just imagine the possibilities if people in their communities felt supported, not alone, and lived in a place where they were able to share or develop their talents.

Just imagine…

After all, I believe every moment of every day should feel like “play”.  It is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.

Love, Doreen

 

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC:  Doreen holds a Bachelor of Science in Management, a Masters in Business and Policy Studies, is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, a Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach, Certified Professional Coach, Certified Life Coach, and the author of the book, If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.

Doreen is the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit organization with the mission and purpose to enrich the lives of others through programs, public awareness outreach activities, events and learning opportunities that further the concept of enjoying life.  The Foundation’s website, www.TimetoPlayFoundation.org, has resources, events and articles for a person to learn what they need to know for a better life.

Photo credit:  http://thedinoffschool.com/about-us/community

Talking to Yourself ( am I nuts or what)- by Denise Rodriguez

,

talktoself

I talk to myself. Oh sure we all do it from time to time but me, I do it all the time. In the house, outside, at work, in the supermarket (which usually gets me an odd look or giggle) just everywhere. My mother–in-law laughs at me and my daughter calls me a mutterer. Whenever someone speaks up about it I always tell them “hey, I’m the only one who listens”. Talking out loud to myself keeps me focused, it allows me to seek the advice of someone who knows me, knows how I react to things and knows what I am feeling about things deep down.  I find it extremely helpful. So after years of having to say “Oh, I was just talking to myself” I decided to do a bit of research. It seems that talking to yourself can actually make you smarter. So here are 4 types of self-talk taken from her article “Talking to Yourself: A Sign of Sanity” written by Linda Sapadin, Ph.D,  to get you and your best friend (yourself) on the same page.
1.     Complimentary. Why wait to get compliments from another? If you deserve them, (and who doesn’t) give them to yourself. Besides, most people aren’t going to have the foggiest notion about the little actions you take that serve you well. Like the time you were tempted but decided to bypass the ice cream shop because you honored your commitment to yourself to lose five pounds. Doesn’t that deserve a shout-out compliment such as, “I’m proud of you”? Or the time you finally accomplished a bunch of things that you’ve been meaning to do — doesn’t that deserve a shout-out “good job!”? Kids hear that phrase incessantly while most adults never hear it. Let’s fix that right now!  
 (I have to admit, I do a victory dance when I beat a hard level in Candy Crush Saga)
 
2.     Motivational. You may not feel like doing boring or difficult tasks. Live with others and they’ll give you a swift kick in the pants as a reminder to clean up your mess or tend to that tough task. But you can motivate yourself to get going with a much kinder voice. “Hey, sweetie-pie (that’s you you’re talking to). You’ve got time this morning to tidy up; how about it?” Or, “Hey, big guy, time to call your accountant before the IRS comes knockin’ at your door.”
  (This is where I usually excel at telling me what to do)
 
3.     Outer dialogue. Having trouble with making a decision? Should you stay or should you go? Speak up or stay silent? Buy this gift or that gift? Choices aren’t easy. Indeed, because they’re so difficult, we often don’t really make a choice; we respond impulsively from habit or anxiety. It’s much more effective, however, to create a dialogue with yourself so that you can hear what you think. “I want to stay because of xxxx but I want to go because of yyyy. I’m clearly ambivalent. Nevertheless, l need to figure out which decision to make. Time to have an interesting dialogue with myself and see which way the wind is blowing.” Having such a dialogue can assist you in making a commendable compromise or a workable conciliation between your wants, your needs and others’ expectations.
 
4.     Goal-setting. Let’s say you’re trying to be better organized so the holidays are not so frenzied. Setting a goal and making a plan (i.e. what to do, when to do it, how to do it) can be a big help. Sure, you can just make a list, but saying it out loud focuses your attention, reinforces the message, controls your runaway emotions and screens out distractions. Top athletes do this all the time by telling themselves to “keep your head down. Keep your eye on the ball. Breathe.” It works well for them, why not for you? (My list is of course a vocal one, “Get the laundry put away and then let’s get started on the kitchen oh and don’t forget to make the phone calls you’ve been putting off.”)
 
One thing about talking to yourself, never, never put yourself down. You are your own best friend, No one knows you better. And deep down your own opinion is the one you will respect the most. So if you go about calling yourself a dumbass you’re not helping your friend at all. Instead when you’ve found yourself in a head-slappping situation, tell yourself it’s okay, we will do better next time.  You and yourself will appreciate the support.
 

Rational vs. Irrational

, ,

rational vs irrational

Today’s reflection stems from my thoughts regarding this past week’s emotional roller coaster.

With people getting attacked for their views, I believe it really emphasizes the idea behind the science of social and emotional intelligence education.

Personally, I have to admit that this past week was hard for me.  Even with all the training I have had in life coaching and emotional intelligence coaching, I unfortunately allowed the whole negative energy to get “in” and affect me in a negative manner.  I can’t remember being so exhausted.

That being said, each experience does broaden our own personal awareness in order for us to use the experience to make future changes to enhance our quality of life.

Based on my conversations with many people, very few seem to have awareness about social and emotional intelligence. I find it worthwhile for this article to focus on what it is and what it can do for individuals and corporate organizations going forward.

Social and Emotional Intelligence is a learned behavior which I believe is the root of individual behavior and our quality of life.

Social and Emotional Intelligence has been defined as:  The ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage ourselves and manage our relationships.

I believe that having an individual strong Social and Emotional Intelligence is so important.

I also believe there is an appropriate level of behavior that people need to exhibit when reacting to any situation, whether personal or in a workplace.  I believe that reactions need to be one of rational expression where we need to consider the whole situation and that we need to consider the ramifications of our own personal behavior.  I believe our behavior and reactions positively or negatively impact our lives and our relationships.

For example, think about explosive behavior in a workplace.  If you have a boss that does not consider all sides to a situation, but just reacts in an explosive manner, how does that make you feel?

This can be applied to any circumstance or relationship including that between yourself and your spouse, your parent, your child, your coworker, a checkout clerk, or that of a person driving a car next to you.

Our reactions are truly important to consider, which brings me back to why I wrote this article which discusses the potential different perceptions of people regarding rational vs. irrational behavior.  I believe we need to become aware of, and have a need for, broad social and emotional intelligence coaching.

In today’s society, I personally do not think we have the filters we used to have for our behaviors.  I also believe we have, as a society, have come to accept less controlled reactions from others.  It has become commonplace for bullying, riots, road rage and mass shootings, and we seem to have become desensitized and have come to expect these occurrences.  Personally, as we are not a barbaric society, I believe that this is step in the wrong direction.

While I do believe self expression is important, I also believe it is necessary to consider the “whole” and that it is the responsibility for each of us to control our reactions to not impede the rights, health, or to negatively impact the lives of others.  Ever hear the idiom “it is a two-way street”?  It may be necessary to consider that compromise is a necessary consideration in our interactions with others.  The problem with this is that we have to recognize how our behaviors and reactions relate to compromise and finding solutions to situations in a manner that is best for all.

I believe a strong social and emotional intelligence is necessary to have a quality of life for not only an individual, but the whole.

The following is an excerpt from the book, Emotional Intelligence written by Daniel Goleman in 1995:   “The emotional lessons we learn as children at home and at school shape the emotional circuits, making us more adept – or inept – at the basics of emotional intelligence.  This means that childhood and adolescence are critical windows of opportunity for setting down the essential emotional habits that govern our lives”.  He noted that hazards await those who, in growing to maturity, fail to master the emotional realm.  He further noted that deficiencies in emotional intelligence heighten a spectrum of risks from depression or a life of violence to eating disorders and drug abuse, and how teaching children the emotional and social skills they need can keep their lives on track.  Mr. Goleman reported that a survey of parents and teachers showed a worldwide trend for the present generation of children to be more troubled emotionally than the last:  more lonely and depressed, more angry and unruly, more nervous and prone to worry, more impulsive and aggressive.

Again, acknowledging that social and emotional intelligence is learned behavior, I advocate for the need for us to learn these necessary skills. Emotional Intelligence is an important component of the Foundation’s PREinvent YOUR Life® program.

During my Social and Emotional Intelligence coaching education, I learned there were 26 competencies that affect our reactions and behaviors that include: Emotional self-awareness, accurate self-awareness, personal power, behavioral self-control, integrity, innovation and creativity, initiative and bias for action, achievement drive, realistic optimism, resilience, stress management, personal agility, intentionality, empathy, situational awareness, service orientation, communication, interpersonal effectiveness, powerful influencing skills, conflict management, inspirational leadership, catalyzing change, building bonds, teamwork and collaboration, coaching and mentoring others and building trust.

I believe that you can build on your emotional intelligence strengths and that, if you have vulnerability in any particular area, it will negatively impact your quality of life and the quality of life of those with whom you interact.

Please feel free to contact me at 631-331-2675 if you have questions regarding social and emotional intelligence.  I would be most willing to discuss your personal situation.

With the knowledge that we are only able to control ourselves, our behavior, our feelings and our actions, I believe it is necessary to start with ourselves to insure a better future.  I believe it is time for us to each be personally responsible for our ability to achieve quality of life.

Just imagine the possibilities.

After all, it is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.

Love, Doreen

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC:

Doreen holds a Bachelor of Science in Management, a Masters in Business and Policy Studies, is a Fellow of the American College of Healthcare Executives, a Certified Social and Emotional Intelligence Coach, Certified Professional Coach, Certified Life Coach, and the author of the book, If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.

Doreen is the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit organization with the mission and purpose to enrich the lives of others through programs, public awareness outreach activities, events and learning opportunities that further the concept of enjoying life.  The Foundation’s website, www.TimetoPlayFoundation.org, has resources, events and articles for a person to learn what they need to know for a better life.

The Foundation offers an unconventional approach in a non-threatening manner to provide solutions for the life situations that people may encounter.  Working in healthcare since 1987, and with her background in quality improvement, she has followed statistics showing our society’s current evolution to be more “sick and sad”.   She developed the Time to Play Philosophy:  you have to be happy, healthy, have money and a work / life balance for quality of life and believes everyone has the ability to enjoy life.

Photo credit:  https://sophistics.wordpress.com

 

“First” vs. “Best”

, , ,

Best

There has been a lot of talk about “Firsts” lately.  What does “First” really mean?

So, I got to thinking…

As far as achievement, I believe “First” is a milestone.  For example, “first” steps, “first” car, “first” words.

Merriam – Webster dictionary defined the adjective of “First” as: coming before all others in time, order, or importance (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/first)

“Firsts” can, also, perhaps, encourage others and provide examples to others on how they can move forward and achieve, too.  I believe motivating others and encouraging others is truly important.  I believe it’s our personal responsibility to strive and grow and to help others do the same.

“Firsts” are definitely important, but are they the MOST important?  “Firsts” can provide people a vision to build upon and then to achieve beyond what was “first”.

Throughout the development of the concepts behind the Time to Play Foundation, I have come to realize and believe that everyone has something to offer that can help someone else.  I say all the time that we are all not going to be “Oprah” – Oprah is Oprah and we are ourselves — but imagine if we each contributed a tiny bit… if we each used a little of our gifts, expertise and personal power to move things forward, to make our communities better, to reach out and help another.  Imagine the impact this could make.  If all of the “regular” people really worked together…

I believe moving forward and making things happen is incredibly important, and do not believe that we, as a whole, have an ability to stay stagnant.  People have incredible imaginations.  At this point in my life I do not believe that anything anyone can come up with is impossible.  I think that if you dream it, you can do it.  Look at the 3-D printer – who can even believe such a thing is possible?  Look at how far technology and modern conveniences have come in just the recent past.  Our grandparents would not even believe it.

This brings me back towards achievement, motivation and “Firsts”.

Personally, I believe “Bests” are even more important.

Think about it.  If you put an ad in the local newspaper to watch your children or your dog, would you hire the “First” person that answers the ad or the “Best” to be able to take care of your prized possession?

Would you put your money in the “First” bank you drive to or the “Best” and most responsible?

Would you have an operation with the “First” doctor you visited or the “Best” to perform the surgery?

These are a few things just to get you thinking.  We have to be careful and responsible with our personal choices.  We have to research and we have to trust that we make the right decisions for all things that affect our lives and the lives of our children.

“First” or “Best” can make a dramatic difference.  “Firsts” give us a starting point that provides us with the fuel to create “Bests”.

Today, look at what you are and what you have achieved… then look at what is your passion.

We have all accomplished “firsts”.  Let’s continue to strive and grow.  We can have the “BEST” life ever.

Just imagine the possibilities.

After all, it is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.

Love, Doreen

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC is a board certified healthcare executive, a certified social and emotional intelligence coach, certified professional life coach, the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit corporation inspiring everyone to enjoy life and author of If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.  The concept behind time to Play and the Time to Play Foundation was absolutely created out of LOVE. Please see http://www.timetoplay.com/ for more information.

Image credit a2ua.com/best.html

How to Create a Happy Family submitted by Rossy Mercedes

,

Article I.               :Kids who have dinner with their families do better across every conceivable matrix. They are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant or commit suicide.

Article II.        Share the Family History. Children who know  the stories of those who came before them have higher self-esteem and a sense of control over their family functions

Article III.               REDUCE  STRESS:  Ellen Galinsky, President and Co-founder of  Families and Work Institute asked children if they were granted one wish about your parents what would it be. Most parents predicted that their kids would say they wanted to spend more time with them. They were wrong. The kids #1 wish was that their parents be less tires and less stressed.

Article IV.             Having a Sense of Community. Are Religious families happier? According to Robert Putnam, author of “Our Kids -The american Dream in Crisis” It doesn’t matter what there religious affiliation it’s the friends that that religious community provides that gives you the sense of community . So it doesn’t matter what religion you practice , or how close you feel to God, it makes no difference in your overall life satisfaction. What does make a difference is the number of friends you have in said community. 10 being the magic number in this case. If you have that many friends you will be happier because you feel connected to a community.

ARTICLE V. Empowering our Kids,

Scientists at the University of California found that kids who were allowed to plan their own time, set weekly goals, and evaluate their own work build up their pre-frontal cortex and other parts of the brain that help them exert greater cognitive control over their lives. And lastly Grandmoms have super powers. Countless of studies have shown the extraordinary benefits of having her around. Mothers who have more support have less stress and more well adjusted children.

 

PAIN RELIEF FROM PERSONAL GROWTH

, ,

Chronic pain is life altering. Pain can cause depression, affect our relationships, and actually change who you are. The “dirty circle” can slip right in , we are in pain- causing misery-miserable-more pain. But what if it can change us for the better? In this article by Paul Ingraham,      he talks about how we can use pain for personal growth and sometimes personal growth heals the body when all else fails … and of course it’s never a waste of time to try to improve. https://www.painscience.com/articles/personal-growth.php

Are They Feeling “Emotionally Heard?”

,

Smartly dressed young women shaking hands in a business meeting at office desk

What is actually going on when your clients, co-workers, or family members keep repeating the details about how they have been wronged by someone else? One strong possibility is that they are not feeling “emotionally heard” by you. Therefore, your advice, your solution to the problem, your legal instructions, or your financial guidelines cannot be received and integrated. Their immediate need is not being addressed, so they are unable to shift into taking proactive steps forward.

You can facilitate that shift within just a few moments of time. In your own style, give them the message that you “get” how they are feeling. It can sound like this: “I’m hearing that you are feeling very hurt, disappointed and frustrated.” Or, “It sounds like you are feeling extremely angry and betrayed.” You want to say this using eye contact and a respectful and compassionate tone in your voice, giving your complete attention to the person for those few moments. You might continue to say, “Given what you have experienced, it is very understandable that you would be feeling that way.”

You have now identified and named the emotions that the person is feeling and you have validated that those feelings can be expected given the situation. That does not mean that you necessarily agree with the person’s assessment or behavior. It just conveys that you “get” how they are feeling, given their perception.

Try out the above beginning step towards making others feel emotionally heard. You may be surprised by their relieved reaction, their appreciation, and by their ability to listen to the content that you begin to bring across after that interaction. At this point, they may even be ready to integrate challenging points of view that they were unable to hear previously. Often, when we are feeling rushed, we want to get right to the content or instructions that we need to communicate. The extra few moments to help someone feel “emotionally heard” first, can actually save you hours of breaking through his/her resistance.

So, next time your client or friend keeps ruminating about his/her situation, instead of feeling annoyed and perhaps even hopeless, help him or her shift into a more proactive place by listening in this way. The results are often striking.