Achieve Your Most Important Goals

goals-ambitions-pupose-dreams

Photo credit: thequotepedia.com

As has been proven over thousands of years, the best way to live the life you want is by setting goals to achieve, accomplish and attain what you desire. Written goals are also the strongest form of self motivation because once written, you act on the goal and the goal acts on you. Unfortunately most people were never taught goal setting which is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced. It is important to understand there is a major difference between an objective and a goal. Objectives are subjective which Webster defines as existing in the mind. A goal is simply a dream with a deadline and a plan of action. However, your goal must be specific so you can determine when it has or has not been reached. Goals require measurement because anything that cannot be measured cannot be managed. If your objective is to become even more successful, writing specific goals will help to make this happen. However, identifying the goals you want to attain can be challenging. To do this, schedule some time when you will not be disturbed or interrupted. Then ask yourself some questions and begin writing your answers. Writing crystallizes thought which motivates action.

Without action nothing can happen or change.

  • What do I want more of?
  • What do I want less of?
  • What do I want and need to improve?
  • Where do I want to go?
  • What do I want to do?
  • What do I want and/or need to learn?
  • Who would I like to meet?
  • What are my personal and family goals?
  • What are my financial goals? What are my spiritual and ethical goals?
  • What are my mental and educational goals?
  • What are my physical and health goals?
  • What are my professional goals?

As you answer these questions you will be on your way to greater success while achieving your most important goals. That is the beginning of the path to higher achievement but remember that action must follow because when you do nothing .  .  .  . nothing happens.

# # #

Jerry S. Siegel is President of JASB Management Inc., Long Island’s resource for developing people and organizations. A CPA in his first career, Jerry trains and coaches leaders in communication, delegation, goal setting, leadership, management, motivation, personal organization & development, supervision, team building and time management.

Programmed for Unhappiness

, ,

Dear Rebecca,

I have some questions for you and would appreciate your insights. How is it possible to just stay present when it feels like unlimited potential presents itself? Potential is futurizing. I get that. But how is it possible to just stay present in an experience when potential feels so real? And when a plan is in place and people are working toward a goal, then one person bails? Is potential the same as having expectations?

I was in a musical collaboration that was the absolute best musical collaboration of my life. We were writing A-list songs together. My music partner was a guitarist/songwriter/singer. We were about to professionally record our first CD. I already had been offered a venue for our first house concert and a beautiful cafe had offered their space for our CD Launch party.

We’d been playing consistently every week to work up the material for the CD and for concerts. It was truly the most joyous experience of my entire musical career. I had never felt so matched in a collaboration as I did with this guy. And I had never felt so much unlimited potential for our music as I did in this experience.
He told me how unbelievable it was that we created two A-list songs entirely in one sitting each.

There were so many things that were positive and moving forward. This past week was my birthday. At my birthday dinner, he gave me a card with a pictures of an umbrella – a possible name for our group. The inside of the umbrella was a beautiful sky with puffy clouds. He told me he had ordered this umbrella for me for my birthday but it hadn’t arrived yet.

Three days later, he told me he changed his mind and does not want to be in a musical partnership. Done. Gone. He just wants to do his own thing. Emotional whiplash. Wow. I’m sitting with a major disappointment. It’s shocking to me.

Disappointment comes from having expectations. What does this mean in life? To go through life with not caring about outcomes? To never be attached to anything or anyone? Is this humanly possible, or only for a select few who spend their lives on mountains but never have to interact with people.

I appreciate any insights you can share with me. Thank you!

Signed, Major Disappointment

ANSWER:

Dear Ms. Major Disappointment,

Thank you for sharing so much of your heart and soul. As always, my intention is to answer your questions with clarity and truth. Many times people don’t want to hear or accept the truth about themselves and the choices they make, but without acknowledging and accepting the truth, you will never be free or happy.

The truth is, your reaction to what has “happened” to you is a programmed response. It’s not your fault. You were taught at an early age to have expectations of people – especially people you really like. Look around. You can see human programming everywhere. The majority of the world’s population has expectations of the people they love.

The problem is whenever you have expectations of anyone, the feeling of disappointment and heartbreak is right around the corner waiting to appear. Your email contains key statements that are clues to how you’ve been programmed for unhappiness. I will attempt to dissect each one.

“How is it possible to just stay present when it feels like unlimited potential presents itself? Potential is in the future. I get that. But how is it possible to just stay present in an experience when potential feels so real?”

Living in the present moment is our only reality. When you live in the past or the future, you are literally wasting your time and subtracting from your happiness. You were not born knowing how to live in the future or dwell in the past; you were literally programmed to live that way.

You arrived here living in the present moment, but then your parents unknowingly, ruined your life and brainwashed you into practicing the same habits their parents taught them. From birth until probably one or two years old, the future and/or past did not exist in your head. When you passed the age of three, you were already programmed to “look forward to” something other than the present moment. It all started innocently enough with looking forward to your birthday, Christmas, holidays, summer or even the first day of school. The program was locked in. The value of the living in the present moment was lost forever.

I don’t know about you, but no one taught me to appreciate each moment of every day. In fact, I was programmed to “look forward” to just about everything except the present moment. The practice of living in the moment is just that–a daily practice. It was only later in life, when I began to prioritize happiness, that I realized I needed to live in the moment.

“And when a plan is in place and people are working toward a goal, then one person bails?”

You used three words in your email four times. The three words are, “he told me.” He told me is interchangeable with (fill in the blank) told me. Just because someone tells you, or promises you that doesn’t mean that what they promise you they’re going to do is going to happen. It’s a hard reality to accept, but the bright side is when you don’t expect people to keep their word, you can experience the emotion of gratitude more often when what they promise actually happens.

“Is potential the same as having expectations?”

Yes. Potential, by definition, is the future. All expectations happen in the future. In fact, a synonym for expectation is potential. Having expectations is part of the human programming that creates unhappiness.

“Is this humanly possible, or only for a select few who spend their lives on mountains but never have to interact with people?”

Just because a person spends their life living in a monastery or on top of a mountain doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re happy people. The measure of how happy a person depends on how they process and handle life’s challenges on a routine basis. I mean I’ve heard plenty of stories about monks having no patience. It’s impossible to be impatience and happy at the same time. What would happen if the Dalai Lama is served soup when he ordered a salad? What would happen if the Dalai Lama’s alarm clock wasn’t set and he missed his morning meditation? How about the washing machine broke at the monastery and His Holiness had to wear yesterday’s underwear?

Unless you witness how a person navigates through their challenges, you are not able to conclude their internal state aka their happiness. Just because you have muscles, doesn’t mean that you’re strong. Your internal state of happiness or contentment is measured when you’re challenged regardless of where you’re living.

My dear Major Disappointment, let me share a similar story when I practiced the religion of the having expectations about people and future potential.

On October 3, 2014, I underwent arthroscopic hip surgery. A couple of weeks after surgery I began physical therapy. There was an older gentleman who was also recovering from surgery, and, coincidentally we shared the same doctor/surgeon. An excellent doctor by the way; so if you ever need arthroscopic hip surgery, hit me up for a recommendation. I digress.

What usually happens when I meet someone new is I ask a lot of questions. This gentleman, I’ll call him Tim, told me he used to manage several very famous rock bands in the 70s and 80s. I will not be specific as to exactly who he managed, but trust me, the bands were world-renowned.

I asked him what was he currently doing and he told me that he waiting for his boss to retire. His boss was David Letterman, the famous nighttime TV talk show host. My mouth dropped open because here I was sitting next to someone who was obviously very connected in the “business” I wanted to be apart of. I began to make a pitch for my own television show. I started off by saying, “I’m the next Oprah!” I shared the idea I’d had for my own show—–starring me, of course. Well my new BFF loved my idea and told me he knew a few producers looking for fresh shows with unique content. That’s me, fresh and unique.

As you can imagine, I was so excited that I literally began planning my first show. Did I mention my new best friend managed world famous rock bands, knew producers that were looking for new shows and most importantly worked with David Letterman? I gave him my business card and promised to follow up with my resume, social media links, website, media contacts, photos, references, and the kitchen sink. Hollywood, network TV, here I come! But before I went to Hollywood, I needed to make a few phone calls. I called my mother, my son, a close family friend, I think I remember telling one of my next-door neighbors who, unfortunately for him, was outside mowing his lawn.

I sent “Tim” a friend request on Facebook and my request was confirmed. I privately messaged every link on the web I was featured on, including links to my own online radio show. I will admit, I was very impressed with myself and what I had accomplished during the many years of preparation for my big break. I was ready for network TV. I was going to Hollywood, and I could smell success.

Let me go back to Ms. Major Disappointment’s email for a minute here.

“I was in a musical collaboration that was the absolute best musical collaboration of my life. We were writing A-list songs together. We were about to professionally record our first CD…I already had been offered a venue for our first house concert and a beautiful cafe had offered their space for our CD Launch party. We’d been playing consistently every week to work up the material for the CD and for concerts. It was truly the most joyous experience of my entire musical career. I had never felt so matched in a collaboration … and I had never felt so much unlimited potential for our music as I did in this experience.
There were so many things that were positive and moving forward.”

What she describes above is exactly what I felt at the time.

  • Excited about the future
  • Planning the future
  • Attached to “possibilities” in the future
  • Hopeful about the future (hope is for dopes)
  • Emotionally attached to an outcome
  • Expectations galore

Back to my story. On December 16, 2014, I sent a private Facebook message to my new best friend.
From me: 12/16/2014 8:42 am

Greetings Tim. (not his real name) Wishing you and your family a memorable holiday season. Did you ever receive my email? Let me know! smile emoticon

From “Tim”: 12/20/2014 6:48 am

Hi Rebecca, yes I receive everything. I was just thinking of you when I got your message. I met with ________ yesterday and discussed you with both WorldWide Pants and Oprah’s contact. I’m sorry it took so long, but I was away and, believe it or not, ________ was in Florida and Cuba for weeks. Nonetheless, Oprah combined her company with Discovery, and no longer works on new projects and all energy go to her network. Dave’s last show is in May, and Dave is moving in a totally different direction. ________ is also retiring in May. Also we discussed the importance of the numbers game, and it seems your numbers have a long way to go. By numbers I mean followers on FB, followers etc. On a personal note, although I get what you’re thinking, I wouldn’t call yourself, the next Oprah. Oprah already exists, and you really don’t want to open that comparison. Anyway sorry for the delay, but I hadn’t forgotten you or our conversation. I hope you have a perfect Christmas and great new year. “Tim”

Thank you sooooo much Tim! And I “get it” about saying I’m the next Oprah…great point! smile emoticon

Love to you AND your family!

One day … sooner than later …you will hear my name mentioned ….heart emoticon
Chat Conversation End

Side bar: While I was copying the Facebook message from Tim, I noticed the small print at the top of the chat box. “You and ‘Tim’ aren’t connected on Facebook.” What? Are you kidding me? Tim de-friended me! Without so much as a good-bye, so long, adiós, arrivederci, au revoir, bon voyage, sayonara or even a see-you-later-alligator? I was de-friended by the only person I knew that knew David Letterman. The crazy thing was this newsflash didn’t even register on my emotional Richter scale. Not one bit. Why? Because from October 3, 2014, until December 16, 2015, I made it a daily practice to eliminate expectations of people and attachments to outcomes from my life. It was easy for me to experience probably the most connected person I knew in showbiz disconnect from me.

Let me get back to Ms. Major Disappointment’s email again because there’s another lesson to be learned from this type of experience.

When you find yourself in a moment or moments of joy, happiness, elation, excitement, enjoy it and soak it all in while it lasts. Enjoy the moment(s) without attaching an expectation to future moments. Enjoy the moment(s) without attaching to an outcome of a future moment. To be happier, enjoy the moment without expecting the moment to last into the future.

I am a huge football fan. I love watching the professional games every Sunday. I also watch the “A Football Life” documentaries. I’ve listened to many interviews from athletes that have won multiple Super Bowls. I can only imagine the emotions after years of playing, preparation, training, injuries, the highs and lows all climaxing on a Sunday in February. The Super Bowl is broadcasted all over the world. After you win the Super Bowl, they say there’s a glow that lingers. But that glow does not last. You can never go back in time to get that exact feeling back. But in the moment, the feeling is beyond description; a natural high.

If you talk to an athlete who’s won the Super Bowl more than once, they describe their emotions for each Super Bowl win with a different adjective. Why? Because each win feels different. I’ve heard an athlete from the Dallas Cowboys say that his third Super Bowl win wasn’t a feeling of happiness or excitement but of relief. Why? There was so much pressure to win the Super Bowl for the third time that he couldn’t enjoy the win until months later.

My point is this. The programming for unhappiness runs deep. It takes a conscious effort, and most importantly, daily practice in every moment, to let go of your past and future moments. Remember, the present moment is your only reality.

Warning: Choosing happiness as opposed to the programming that is offered by most of the world, is road not traveled by the masses. When you make the decision to rewire the programming that keeps you unhappy, you will feel like you’re going through emotional withdrawals. Trust me; I know first hand. It’s possibly the hardest and loneliest journey you will make in this lifetime, because you will have to look in the mirror for solutions to all of your problems. That alone doesn’t feel too good.

Good news: When you recognize that your current program is hindering your happiness, you may want to prioritize rewiring that program.

Do it anyway

,

Do It AnywayWe have an amazing group page, on facebook, (Facebook Group Link).  As a result of a post by Mike Pastore and then a post by Nancy Gordon today, I received a huge inspiration to write my weekly reflection:  Do it anyway.

So, Mike started with this:  YOU DONT HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS; YOU JUST HAVE TO STOP LETTING THEM CONTROL YOU.

And, Nancy posted this letter written by Sherri Bessi:  Dear Human, You can’t give up:  You can’t give up on love because others are hateful. You can’t give up on believing in one another because you’ve been let down. You can’t give up on hope because pain came your way. You can’t give up on kindness because some people are cruel. You can’t give up on peace because war surrounds you. You can’t give up on dreaming because they don’t always come true. Life isn’t about everything being in order. Life isn’t about bliss. Life is about learning to live, love, hope and believe in the midst of perfect imperfection. Life is messy, complicated, confusing, and beautiful all at the same time. Life is the single best gift you have ever been given.

Then I posted this:  Mother Teresa’s Do It Anyway poem:

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.  If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.  If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.  If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.  What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.  If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.  The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.  Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.  You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God; It was never between you and them anyway.

I NOW believe we can talk ourselves out of doing something or we can “Do It Anyway”.  It’s taken most of my 50 years on this planet to realize the incredible power in each of us.  Just look around in this world.  EVERYTHING that is created was someone’s idea.  They just acted on their idea and made it happen.  From the creation of a poem, to a clock, to the very chair you are sitting on.  Someone had the vision to make it or to do it.  And, they did.  Don’t let your ideas go.  Do it anyway.

Negative self talk is probably the most paralyzing thing I’ve experienced in my lifetime.  We focus on the “what if’s”.  I’ve learned recently this is actually a fear that we have created for ourselves.  A fear that makes us stop in our tracks.

So, ask yourself – what’s the worst thing that can happen?

Also, ask yourself — what happens if you don’t try?

We have our Empower Half Hour Internet Radio station (see link) or you can go directly to the station (www.BlogTalkRadio.com/TimetoPlay).  This concept is something we discuss frequently, including the word “Should’ve”…  as in the use of “I should’ve”.  Have you ever said it?  It’s been noted in the internet radio show how this phrase should be “banned” from our vocabulary.  I absolutely agree.  Our discussions in the podcasts have given me great insight to improve my quality of life, and I hope you’ll join us.  So, in acknowledgement of this realization, now if I say “Should’ve” or I think it, I recognize that there’s something that I have fear about.

In life, in a perfect world, there should be no regrets from any one of us.  Don’t let someone else’s statements, prejudice, or their fear stop you from believing, loving, achieving, or creating.  Live your gift.  Don’t give up.

Do it Anyway.

After all, it is time to enjoy life. It is Time to Play.

Love, Doreen

PS — don’t forget to join the Facebook group to post and share inspiration and your stories — https://www.facebook.com/groups/124102350976973/

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC is a board certified healthcare executive, a certified professional life coach, the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit corporation inspiring everyone to enjoy life and author of If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.  The concept behind time to Play and the Time to Play Foundation was absolutely created out of LOVE. Please see http://www.timetoplay.com/ for more information.

We Know It, We Love It And We Live It

,
Is Travel Part of Your “Second Act?”59891_aux_image_1
Chris and I are entering our sixth year as professional travel planners, and we couldn’t be happier.  We really enjoy helping people plan spectacular vacations and being able to travel ourselves.  We often say that we are into our “second act” because we came to be professional travel planners after raising a family and pursuing other careers. Chris and I actually met when we were both air traffic controllers for the U.S. Army.
Explore the Possibilities
Chris went on to become a broker on Wall Street for 31 years and I was involved in a serious car accident and had to leave my air traffic controller position.  The insurance company offered a re-training program, which directed me to ask myself, “What would you like to do next?”  Since Chris and I had started traveling after the kids had grown and we enjoyed it so much, I chose to pursue a degree in travel and tourism.  I graduated in 1999 with a B.S. degree from Dowling College on Long Island.  I then wondered, “What should I do now?”
Fate Steps In
Ironically, I was at a local Jiffy Lube when fate seem to intervene and showed me the way.  As in most waiting areas, they had a selection of magazines on a rack.  I reached for a ladies’ magazine and Entrepreneur magazine dropped out onto the floor.  It lay open at an Cruise Planners American Express ad. The lime green ad immediately caught my eye and intrigued me.  I phoned Cruise Planners the very next day and within the week we purchased a franchise.  Once Chris retired he joined me in the business full time and we were on our way to our “second act”. We are looking forward to a long and exciting run!
We love what we do and we are realizing our dream to helping our clients make their dream vacations a reality.
As a seminar leader once told me, “Do what lights you up … what lights you up from the inside.”
If travel “lights you up” and is your dream, let us help you because we know it, we love it and we live it.

Give us a call at 631.893.4232 and Chris & I will help to make 2016 the year that your travel dreams come true! www.travelagentlongisland.com

Happy Holidays from your Cruise Planners agents: Chris & Sheila Korte

Diabetes increase from 1980-2014

,

I am a NYS Department of Health Diabetes Prevention Counselor.  As I was preparing for our Internet Radio Empower Half Hour Podcast today for healthy eating, I googled for a statistic for the number of people who had diabetes in 1980 to present for my discussion.

I had looked at the Center for Disease Control statistics before, but nothing was as visual as the chart I found http://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/statistics/prev/national/figpersons.htm today.  The chart shows the “Number (in Millions) of Civilian, Non-Institutionalized Persons with Diagnosed Diabetes, United States, 1980-2014″ and noted that Diabetes is becoming more common in the United States. From 1980 through 2014, the number of Americans with diagnosed diabetes has increased fourfold (from 5.5 million to 22.0 million).”

Check out the chart.

Diabetes is the largest contributor to chronic diseases.  You don’t want it if you don’t have it.  Trust me.  I’ve worked in nursing homes since 2001.  Please comment or contact me.  You have to be healthy to enjoy life.  It’s part of the time to play philosophy.

Love, Doreen

Divided We Fall

,

United We Stand“Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all! By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall!”  –  Founding Father John Dickinson in his pre-Revolutionary War song “The Liberty Song”, first published in the Boston Gazette in July 1768.

I have to be motivated to sit down and write my weekly reflections.  It’s not something I plan, but then some random thought comes to my mind that just doesn’t quit.  Sometimes something bothers me to a point that I may feel compelled to work it through my mind.  I believe there is not only a solution but an opportunity for improvement for everything that we encounter in our lives.  Although “good” is subjective, I believe that if we perceive something as good, there is always an opportunity for it to be better.  If we perceive something to be not good, there is definitely an opportunity for it to be better.

I also try to not be political in my writings here.  This article is, in no way, a political argument or a political statement, but just a reflection on my concerns and unsettled feelings.

So, as it happened, “United we stand, divided we fall” popped into my head sometime today.  With all the craziness that’s been occurring in our world and in our society, this might be a concept that we need to rekindle.

In our communities, there are many things that affect an individual person or an individual group of people.  I believe that, when we become divided, or when we don’t care about each other, there becomes a disconnection and what I believe turns into an “us” against “them” mentality.  Just watch the news to see evidence of stories where this may be an ultimate root cause.  The intention of the Enjoy Life Community™ project that I’ve been working on over these past years has a huge potential to bring people together.  I am confident that this can provide a better life for many.

However, my main thinking today has revolved around the horrific hardships and violence that have been the forefront of our news over these past days.

I read a statistic that there have been 355 mass shootings in the United States in the year 2015.  This is an unconscionable number.  And, what is happening?  We are horrified that an event happens and then we forget…  Or we are horrified for a moment that an event happens — but, for goodness sake, after 355 mass shootings in one year, I think we have become significantly desensitized.

At this point, I have begun to wonder where the people in our communities demanding answers and solutions are.  It is evident that we need to start to work together to protect our communities, our people, and our children.

The United States of America is a unique Country.  It was formed on the principles of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I think many people currently take our liberties for granted.  So many people don’t vote.  So many people are so silent because they figure it won’t matter anyway.

In our world today, there are so many people who live in fear and in oppression.  And, throughout time, there have been many great empires that have been lost.  I believe we have to assure that the United States stays strong for our children and for our children’s children.

As promised by our Founding Fathers, I believe we are all people with different beliefs and deserve to coexist.  I believe that we are all people and we are all EQUAL.  I believe it is unacceptable for any group to instill fear and/or try to impose their ways on others.

By the end of my weekly articles, I usually have a way to summarize and end my article.  However, in this case, I have no way to create a resolution or a direction for an ending.

All I do know is that this is the United States of America, and I believe that we must address any concerns to protect our way of life.

United We Stand.  God Bless America.

Love, Doreen

# # #

Doreen Guma, MA, FACHE, CPC, CLC is a board certified healthcare executive, a certified professional life coach, the founder of the Time to Play Foundation, a 501c3 not for profit corporation inspiring everyone to enjoy life and author of If I Knew Then What I Know Now, Our Quest for Quality of Life.  The concept behind time to Play and the Time to Play Foundation was absolutely created out of LOVE. Please see http://www.timetoplay.com/ for more information.

Sober and Happy Holidays!

,

sober holidays   The Holidays can be a challenging time for millions of people recovering from alcohol and drug addictions. People, places and things around holiday festivities can be triggers for relapse. 

Here are some tips you may consider that may be helpful for you.

  • Find new ways to celebrate! Host a party with your friends in recovery. Plan some fun recipes with non-alcoholic drinks and delicious foods.
  • Stay connected and share your triggers with someone close; you’re not alone-pick up the phone! 
  • Set boundaries with your friends and family members. Share where your head is at, and plan ahead together for family gatherings.
  • Watch for certain foods that may have alcohol-just the taste can be a trigger at times. Learn to say “No” in away that is comfortable for you.
  • Give yourself a little extra self care. Take some quiet time and work on an attitude of gratitude.
  • Smile-it’s definitely contagious!
  • Get involved in helping others; it takes us out of our own head at times. Help the family with whatever needs to get done.
  • Leave your judgement at the door, and don’t take things personally. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments!
  • Focus on positive people and things. Be good to you! Then you can be there for others.
  • Dress nice, feel good, share hugs, learn something new, teach someone something, stay true to you!

and…SHINE!

 

DATING SUCCESS: CREATE A SPLASH

Closeup portrait of female legs near swim pool

Why do we dip our big toe in the cold pool and then quickly withdraw our foot, taking a few steps back? Why do we repeat the same strange dance a few moments later? Will that method really get us used to the water so that we can swim, enjoy, and feel refreshed? Can we ever create a real splash using this “dip the toe” method? More importantly, how familiar does this pattern feel to you and where else is it showing up in your life?

Many of my dating coaching clients and workshop participants are dipping only their big toe into the pool of dating. Why? One of many possible answers is that if they are putting forth minimal effort, they will feel less rejected if the overture is not reciprocated. After all, they are not really trying, are they?

What does this look like practically? It looks like an internet dating profile that is incomplete, without photos that maximize the person’s attractiveness and without an appealing and accurate description of who the person is. It looks like a dating site member who is not initiating any emails, but rather waiting endlessly for the “right person” to express interest. It looks like someone at a singles event checking his/her phone incessantly and not really participating in the activities.

Do you want to experience dating success? Of course, we all do! Well then, it’s time to begin questioning your method and challenging yourself to modify it despite the hesitant parts of you that urge you to hang back. What would it be like for you to takes steps forward to fully get into the water? Clearly envision yourself making it happen. First, get your feet wet, then immerse yourself one segment at a time, get used to the cold water for a while, and finally start swimming. It’s time to get playful and create a splash! If you don’t generate a dating opportunity, at least you will enjoy a refreshing swim, and you won’t be so afraid of the cold next time. After all, next time may present the opportunity to swim with someone really special who you would never have gotten close to with only your big toe fleetingly touching the shallow end of the pool.